He Who Hesitates...

October 31, 2011 by

 He who Hesitates... I’m at Lobby with a buddy from school. I frequent this club because the women always dress well and really take care of themselves. We hit the bar for a couple Grey Goose and Red Bulls. Pretty fancy, I know, but my pal lives large. Rail vodka is fine by me. I likes my drinks like I likes my women: cheap and strong.

So I’m cruising the small club, looking for some fun, while my buddy talks to the DJ, his girlfriend. Busy night, but a lot of couples, no roving gangs of hotties looking for a Hero. I catch a pretty Asian girl in a cute skirt eyeing me from the bar. We smile at each other. I immediately head over.

Once positive eye contact has been made, you’ve gotta make your move soon after.

It’s like Jim Carrey says in The Cable Guy,: “He who hesitates, masturbates.” Don’t let the crudity of this statement eclipse its meaning. Anyway, I roll up on her, say something funny (I’d tell you if I could remember–I don’t use lines; I just say whatever comes to mind with a playful smile on my face) and she laughs, pleased to have my attention. Her name is Candace. We flirt for a bit, getting along famously—until Candace surprises me by introducing me to her date.

She gestures to this dude in a suit who has been standing right next to us the entire time. I had figured the guy was just a bored stranger, watching me wrangle this broad. We shake hands and he puts a little extra on it, squeezing so hard his forearm quivers. Didn’t hurt, but it was enough for me to wanna push him back, in my own way.

I continue joking around with Candace, and turn on the charm, so to speak. The Date (he doesn’t get a fake name, because he acted tough and I’m running out of pseudonyms) just stands there, not even trying to insert himself into the convo. As Candace and I chat, she moves closer and puts her arm around me. Date hates this, and goes to get a fresh drink. Candace tells him to grab her a martini; I order a vodka highball. Date likes this even less, but nods "yes."’ Poor guy...

Now alone, she opens up to me about her secret. Candace tells me that although she’s dated this guy a few times, she’s not really interested in him. She only came to Lobby with him because she wanted to go out; Date always pays for everything, and she needed something to write about in her “dating blog.”

In my next blog I give Candace something to write about.

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