My Greatest Failures

December 12, 2011 by

 My Greatest Failures After reading over my blogs, I’ve noticed that I haven’t mentioned enough of my failures. Those times where I’ve said the wrong thing or done something stupid (or more often obnoxious) that’s ruined my chances with a woman.

Dating in the city is really a numbers game, so if you don’t go down in flames now and again, you’re just not trying hard enough.

So here are some of my more spectacular dating blunders. Of course, this is just a sample, some of the most recent. There are many more to come, I’m sure. That’s life, daters. But hopefully after reading through these, especially the last one, it might make you feel a little better about your own personal snafus. Enjoy!

1: After spending over half an hour talking about raunchy sex with this one chick, while her three girlfriends just sat and listened, she gets up and says, “I’m leaving.” to her gang. Somehow I misread it (I guess I just didn’t believe in myself) and I asked for her number. She looked at me with utter disbelief, and told me I could call her when I grew “a pair,” but she didn’t give me her number. I figured that meant that she didn’t think I ever would.

2: I’m watching a gorgeous 21-year-old blonde with an incredible ass walk away from me after making out on the dance floor like two, well, 21-year-olds, because I had called her the same wrong name three times in a row (to wit: I refused to pronounce her name TAH-nya, instead of TAN-ya) out of principle. I lost the girl here, but I think I won the moral victory.

3: While on the sidewalk after last call with a tall cutie, making the final arrangements to meet at my place once her friends leave (long story), she asked if I wanted to go hang out with her friends for a bit first. I asked her if she was fucking nuts, and she hit me across the face with her chicken shwarma. She did not come by later, either.

And perhaps the most spectacular, 4: I met a sexy blonde thing at Ikea in the bedroom section. She offered to help me test the bed I was checking out. She then showed up at my place with a hot redhead late one night. I was a drunken mess from a brutal night of poker with the guys. The two of them slipped out while I was in the kitchen, making them drinks. I can’t remember what I said, but I have a perfect memory of the two of them making out on my couch. Red fingernails and a fistful of blond hair. I defy you to produce a more crushing loss on the dating scene. Just the worst failure ever. That was me; I did that.

Proud moments, all of them. So take it easy, be sure to watch The Dating Guy, and play safe.